Much like my obsession with gold spray paint, I have a Real Housewives of every city and state guilty pleasure…and am aspiring to one day be a housewife of the real variety. You can never tell what boobs are real and what diamonds are fake, who wouldn’t want to live that lifestyle. They never have time for petty drama what with keeping up a house (paying 7 housekeepers) and chasing 5 kids (nannies) around. I admire how they keep their figures hot and their bank accounts up with their very busy tour schedules and book signings. Although I was confused at first… because I assumed being a housewife meant you wore sweatpants and had too clean up after your children and cook a meal or two. I have 2 weiner dogs that have a new skin rash every week, a boyfriend who would be sleep deprived if I didn’t rub his back every night, a job that I have to pleasantly interact with people (old people) all day long, an apartment that 3 needy weiners make a mess of(they’re so cute though), a social life to maintain and after all of that I have to worry about staying skinny….and I still find time to get my nails done, write this blog and bake cookies. If I can complain about all of that while not being the one to clean up dog poop or cook dinner, I’m in.
I have many, MANY, annoyances: stuffed animals in the back window of sedans, kids over the age of 3 who pick their nose, when people watch surf videos for pleasure, when my boyfriend says he’s funnier than me…just to name a few. But in the past 2 or 3 years I have noticed that people telling me “one day you’ll understand” increasingly creeps to #1 on my list. My mom is the Queen of this, “you’ll get it when you’re a mom”. As if I don’t get it? What is there even to get? As far as I’m concerned being a parent means less work for you. Isn’t that why parents invented chores? Until I moved out my dad was having me do his dirty work always saying “that’s why I had kids”. Every time my mom couldn’t read a menu and had to have me read it to her she would say, “that’s why I had a kid with youthful eyes”. If having a kid means I don’t have to read or take out the trash EVER again…I’m in.
Excuse my Jerry Seinfeld tribute…but what is with people that have kids? When did having kids become a handicap? Personally I can’t wait to be a mom, but I sure as hell am not giving up my wine nights or wearing my skinny jeans. But here’s the thing, I’m not a mom so why should I get it? Why do I even have to get it now and why is it so important to you that I know I don’t get it but “one day will”? As a twenty something year old I only need to “get” how to one day be a Real Housewife when I’m a thirty something year old…everything else I’ll get around too later. The marriage and baby part of the housewife life will have to be continued later. And seeing as my bank account, boobs and jewelry are no match for a real housewife’s, I’m stuck living in an apartment buying the knock off’s…and sometimes the buying part is even a stretch. I have champagne taste on a beer-mosa budget. Hopefully you can take the girl out of poor and the poor out of the girl.
Anyways I have seen this “dipped” effect on a lot of furniture and decorative items lately and lets just say my mom and I are OBSESSED. We love anything dipped; our pretzels in chocolate and our furniture in paint. If I could, I would have dipped my entire apartment, but since that is only a little unrealistic, I started small. I had been looking everywhere for 3 vases small enough for just one flower and all of a different shape. I don’t think I really knew where to look until I went to Walmart with my sister-in-law. It can be a very overwhelming place, there is anything and everything you could want in one store but not knowing where to look is the most overwhelming. I usually stuck to my 3 general sections: grocery, holiday and home. Venturing out of those 3 seemed…again overwhelming. Baskets? Shelving? Office suplies? I didn’t want to take a wrong turn and end up in outdoor living or in baby clothes…I get lost in those places thinking about buying things I don’t need and then over-thinking my original thinking. I usually head to the check out line leaving a trail of things I realized I didn’t need after over-thinking them. But not my sister-in-law, she knew exactly where these little vases would be so we b-lined it there and never looked back. My plan was to spray paint them white and put them on my shelf. Don’t tell Josh, but once I brought them home I was bored by all the white. I wanted them to look unique, and being a crafty nerd I pulled out my glue gun and got busy.
All I did was make dots and stripes to add dimension.
I didn’t really worry too much about it being perfect, I did want them to look unique after all.
Then I (obviously) spray painted them gold…then it dawned on me to dip these little stem holders in a glossy white. So all I did was put some painters tape about an inch or two around from tops of each vase, and got my spray on.
They’re no designer label or porcelain master pieces, but they’ll do…until my Real Housewife dream comes true…they’ll do.